JAPANESE LANGUAGE (3)
Is Using “You” Rude in Japan?
First of all, let’s see how do we say “you” in Japanese?
There are diverse ways to address the other party in Japanese, including “Anata”, “Kimi”, “Omae”, etc. I’ll show you some examples and their different connotations and usages:
- Anata: Used to address one’s peer or junior; used by a woman to call her spouse or romantic partner
- Anta: More informal form of the above
- Kimi: Used by a man to address his peer or junior
- Omae: Used to address one’s loved one (e.g., child, wife) or used by a man for an intimate friend; used to offend the other party in a quarrel or exchange of disparaging words
- Omē: More rude version of the above
- Kisama: Used to insult or depreciate the other party in a fight
Now, you may wonder which you should use when talking to your client, customer, boss, parent, or anyone you know but not your friend? Unfortunately, there’s none.
Even though Anata often may appear in marketing or media communication or probably, Japanese learning textbooks, it’s only used as a dummy second person because there’s none appropriate in Japanese.
Therefore, if you’re trying to speak to your boss in Japanese and say, “How are Anata today?” they may snap at you, “Who do you think you are addressing me by Anata!?” if they are grumpy. So then, what do you do?
Here’s the tip: Forget about the pronoun and give up using one. But, how do you address a person in front of you, then? You can use their name, their position, status, or title, and that’s what ordinary Japanese people do. Here are some examples:
- For your boss: Use their title: Shacho (president, CEO), Kaicho (chairman), Bucho (department chief), Kacho (section chief)
“What do Bucho (= you) think about this?”
- For your client, customer, business-related acquaintance: Use their family name with the honorific suffix “san” or “sama” (very polite).
“I think Suzuki-san (= you) would love this.”
- For a customer whose name you don’t know yet: Use the noun meaning “customer” with the honorific suffix “sama”.
“I think this is perfect for Okyaku-sama (= you).”
- For your non-business-related acquaintance: Use their family name or first name (depending on the situation) with the honorific suffix “san”.
“How have Hanako-san (= you) been?”
- For your relatives: Use their family titles.
“This is for (O)Kāsan (mother) (= you)!”
- For an unknown person: Use their possible role names in their family.
- Okusan (wife) for a middle-aged or older woman
- Goshujin (husband) for a middle-aged or older man
- Onīsan for a young man
- Onēsan for a young woman.
“Is this Onīsan’s (= your) wallet?”
As you can see, whereas the English “you” is very versatile and convenient, Japanese second-person addressing can be complicated. The sure-fire way is to use their family name + “san”, but it can be perplexing for an unknown person since all middle-aged or older people are not married and may not feel comfortable being addressed as ‘wife’ or ‘husband’.
Since March 2006. Last update July 31, 2021. Copyright (C) Tuben. All rights reserved.
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